Angel
I'm looking for an out, God give me strength to shout
I need to scare away, demons from yesterday
I see them everywhere, but no one seems to care

No one understands, I don't know who I am anymore

The night is dark and cold and I know I'm much too old
To be afraid like this, I need my mother's kiss
But she is far from me and I wonder can she see
The kind of mess I'm in, feel like a child again

Oh no

There's an angel I can feel it, will it save me from myself
can't seem to do it on my own anymore
Someone please hold my hand, pull me up so I can stand
No longer wanna crawl, can't this be my last fall
I wanna move ahead, will my hunger be fed
Need a better view, is this trial finally through 

Say yes
 
So Low
Waking up again from the cold dull gray
I was just sleeping and life got in my way
Pushed around like driftwood in the sea
Finally landed on a shore that leads to me

Was there a world outside this haze
Eyes half closed I wandered in a daze
Floating on my back waiting to die
Just a victim of the storm clouds in the sky

Now the highs are high and the lows are so low
can see a glimpse of why I gave up the will to row

I can't remember who I was
Just an empty shell without a cause
Looking inside was just too hard
Felt I always had to be on guard
 
My Religion
Wading through the stream with a cushion of moss for my toes
Reeling from the damp smell of earth till that's all I know
The afternoon light is whispering through the trees
Wildflower on the side of the path up to my knees

Walking through the woods, it's my religion
Playing in the surf, it's my religion
Desert's starry sky, it's my religion
Sun upon my skin, it's my religion
Sometimes it's just to much and I'm moved to tears

Sky's so big I feel like I could see for years
he sun goes down and the wind rises with my fears
Rustling in the night I can hear the call of the wild
Storm passing through with the drama of an angry child

Cotton candy clouds watch the seagulls flying by
Sun sinking low, soon to be orange sherbet sky
The sound of the waves, they sooth away my pain
Sand in my hair I don't care, I don't wanna be tame

 
Here I Am
Calm like an ocean, dark like the day
A walking oxymoron, but that's OK
I cry when I'm happy, I laugh when I'm gray
Your lack of understanding is a sign of your decay

Really not that special, just trying to be real
Older maybe wiser, developing my skill
Don't have it figured out yet, probably never will
Gonna die trying, it's an urge that I can't kill

Here I am, sometimes feeling like the light of the world
Sometimes plagued with doubt and shame
Feels so good, riptide pulling me away from the shore
Trying to make a splash for my moment of fame
 
Silver Lining
Praying to a God I'm not sure I believe in
For a silver lining behind these dark clouds
You know I'm looking for diamonds

I here they're buried in this mud
There's gotta be something
That makes it all worth it
Turns suffering into beauty
Turns misery into joy

Can we make this happen are we victims of fate
Grasping for control in the dark and raging storm

The ship is thrashing
I can hear it creaking and moaning
Vicious circle spinning round
Caught in an eddy that's too strong
I can feel the pull of the dark side
It's like a magnet I can't resist
Will there be another sunrise
I need it to find my way home

I can feel it coming round the corner 
I can feel it in my bones. 

 
Dissolving in my Hardware
See my blank stare, dissolving in my hardware

Is this hue really from the sky blue
Or is it just a dream from my flat screen
Am I feeling real pain or am I virtually insane
Staying home in style, hiding in my profile

Do you really care, will you really be there?
Or is this facebook, artificial hook-up
I wanna stay connected, but I feel infected
Stuck in quarantine, never heard and barely seen

 
Beautiful Misery
It's a beautiful misery and I cherish fiercely 
Gonna write it down in song
And if you're feeling a bit like me
Join in and sing along
I carry this in my soul, I need it to make me whole
And it's a gift I give to you
Cause sometimes life takes its toll
And it's a way to get you through

One step at a time

When the rain keeps on pouring down, feeding the desert ground
Tomorrow you will see
Spring blooming all around
And you're where you wanna be
So cry if you're feeling bad, if you don't it might drive you mad
And your tears won't be in vain
Cause you won't always feel so bad
Life is both pleasure and pain

 
I'm Your Ball and Chain
I'm your anchor, cuz I pull you down
You fly so high, but I stand my ground
Sometimes I wonder, when I pull on the reins
Does it benefit you or is it what keeps me sane

I'm your ball and chain, but you seldom complain
About your ball and chain

Just a touch of madness and a touch of brains
Has you believing you can stop this run-away train
You gotta do it, you have to try
What's the point of living, if your waiting to die

I'm your ball and chain, but you seldom complain 
About your ball and chain
 
Finding it Hard to Let Go
Is it time to jump ship, stuck in a canoe, just me and you
Or will I be alone, far from my home, in my own rowboat

We're drifting away and it's taking so long, for an ocean so calm
But the whitecaps are here, we've forgotten to steer and the salt tastes like fear

Sometimes it's just to hard to know
Navigating's gotten so slow
I'm finding it hard to let go
I'm finding it hard to let go

Lying awake in the still of the night, God give me insight
I don't feel to blame, nor any shame, just need to feel safe
We'll make the shore, we'll find relief, it's my belief
We'll catch a train and be out of the rain, a new journey to claim
 
Self Hate
I never really learned to be it always was a mystery
Got real good at how to do and work my way to love from you
I never really earned the prize, falling short before your eyes
I wonder just how it would feel to taste the fruit beneath the pill

Now the you has turned to me and I'm the one who can't be pleased
Never feeling good enough at even just the basic stuff
I know I should be in my prime but feel worth less than a dime
This habit is so hard to break, I'm growing weary of self hate

I'm growing weary of self hate
It's time to turn another page

Past the point of who to blame, it doesn't take away the pain
Patterns etched across my mind, grooves grow deeper with the time
Tired of living just to cope,  hanging on to ragged hope
I'm sure there's others feel the same, childhood scars that still remain


 
Splitting at the Seams
I wanna live life at it's fullest
From the jagged highs to the deep and darkest lows

To many years I was coasting on the smooth and rolling hills
Cushioning the fall, cushioning it all

I didn't wanna be the person I was becoming
I didn't wanna watch my life go up in flames
You know I was driving from the backseat
The brakes too far away, the car begins to stray

I'm a person of extremes splitting at the seams
Numbing everything, I was running

To many moments of lost memories
The ones I have, they feel me with shame
Too many mirrors I can't see my face
Covered int the mist or shattered with my fist 
 
Ramshackle Life
It's a ramshackle life since I've become a housewife
I've given up my career as a frozen yogurt pusher extraordinaire
No more styrofoam it's time for me to roam
We still manage to have fun even though my sugar daddy's under the gun
Do you believe in magic like dreams coming true
Well I'm living the dream it's just slightly skewed
I've given up on perfection in every way
The dents and the scratches lend character they say

I'm a musician and I play with sound
Trying to be an artist of the underground
Buried so deep I can't see the light of day
Wonder if there's anything worthwhile left to say
I paid my dues and I've earned this time
Now I shouting in the wind and I'm lost in the rhyme
My life is getting smaller as it fits on a dot
I'm twisted and contorted in a tiny little knot

Sugar daddy pounds his bible, it's science he interjects
We evolved to survive and the rest is just side effects
So I go on with this game of my ramshackle life 
Ride it like a wave, the joy and the strife
Don't know how much time there is left anymore
Live like it's my last moment, that's what I'm here for

And we're sleeping in the car and we're sleeping in the sand
And we're doing it together and somehow it feels so grand

 
My One Salvation
Stuck in a day one that's never ending
Somehow you find a way to make it through tomorrow
And if it weren't for you, I don't think  I'd  bother
But I will fight for you, don't wanna cause you sorrow

People come and go things are always changing
If I get too attached I end up feeling broken
Do I expect too much, am I too needy
But I believe in you, you're my one salvation